Warning: No public hot tubs in Maryland

Well, I have been in Maryland for four months now, so I thought I would review hot tubs in Maryland. The problem is there are none. The community pool, of which we have a great view, has pathetic hours. 11-8 each day from June to September. So, they naturally decided that it wasn't worth it to have a hot tub. What a poor, poor decision. When we searched for an apartment, we could not find any in the area that had a hot tub, so I presume there is a law passed by liberal legislators discouraging apartment owners from including hot tubs. So, watch out Maryland, you are close to entering the dreaded Responsible Hot Tubbing Black List.

On another note, I just read Moneyball (thanks Chris). It is a highly recommended reading. Did you know that Batting Average was invented by a British sportswriter? We know that sports writers are not experts at sports (they're expert writers, duh), but to allow a British person determine the best way to analyze baseball is horrifying. Anyway, Moneyball tells how the market finally prevailed, once the stakes were high enough for valuing baseball players. Enjoy!

Hot tub review

Laura and I stayed in a Fairfield Inn in Burlington Iowa (near Nauvoo) on our trip across the country. We arrived late so we were disappointed by the sign saying that the pool area closed at 10:00 pm. However, the person at the desk said we could use it since we arrived late. (After hours hot tubbing is always great.) So we of course went hottubbing.

The hot tub was particularly deep from the seat level to the water level. This was a nice feature since you could rest your head on the edge of the tub. The temperature was great, even a little too hot for Laura. So it was a great

Overall, I would rate the hot tub as a 3 (of 5) stars. If you are loooking to hot tub in southeast Iowa, I would definitely recommend the Fairfield Inn in Burlington.

What's in a name?

I suppose it is about time to explain my clever screen name. When Kevin and I first started going to the Colony hot tub on a daily basis we were very enthusiastic, as most should be. Sitting in the tub longer than the recommended 15 minutes required physical as well mental stamina and fortitude. We experimented with a number of solutions that might enable us to stay longer. The half-in-half-out technique worked for a while as did the roll in the snow, but what we realized was that we needed to cool our core temperatures in order to increase our exposure time. We started taking glasses of water to the hot tub, which dramatically increased our time. We hadn't realized that we needed to rehydrate in order to replenish our body's store of water that we had lost. This was an important breakthrough and Kaley and Tacie will probably testify as we stopped by their apartment nearly everyday to refill our water glasses. What really put us over the top was a random trip to 7-Eleven. We came back from a baseball game and stopped by to get slurpees before heading home. The thought occurred to us that the slurpee would be really good in the tub and would achieve all the desired results as water re hydration, but with all the added sweetness of a semi-frozen beverage. Hence the name slurpee-in-hand.

"Do unto the hot tub as you would have others do unto the hot tub."

Today I will begin a series of important steps that all Responsible Hot Tubbers follow. The golden rule of hot tubbing is "Do unto the hot tub as you would have others do unto the hot tub."

The inspiration for the blog and the rule was already mentioned by Mr. Slurpee. Somebody or some group had left the cover off an outdoor hot tub during a cold winter night. By the time we had arrived, the hot tub was just not the same, for the temperature had plummeted. We had hoped that this was a singular occurrence by a rogue hot tubber, but alas we came across this situation several times. Hence, we felt the need to share our learnings with others. So, please, always replace the cover when you leave the hot tub.

Optimal Situations

This post will discuss conditions and locations. The optimal situation will always be up for debate among serious hot tubbers, but a general set of guidelines should be followed regardless of your hot tubbing goals.


Hot tubs themselves come in all shapes and sizes depending on the needs of the soaker. For the typical Provo-ite, selection is key. One can find all sorts of variety in Provo, but the most common tubs that will be found are the cement variety suitable for multiple guests.







Also available to those who are willing to seek and sneak are wooden tubs, hotel tubs, and private tubs.














You can find the variety you are searching for in the hot tub by discretely checking with your friends, calling the location yourself, or scouting it out ahead of time. All of the above mentioned options are viable and each serves it's own purpose.

It is important to remember that almost any hot body of water can be considered a "hot tub". Temperature is a key condition that you are looking for. Too hot and you can't get the appropriate exposure and too cold leaves you feeling very unsatisfied. Kevin and I once made the mistake of getting in the Tub when it was lukewarm. By this point in our careers, we felt like seasoned veterans of the old Colony hot tub, however the poor water condition was extremely detrimental to our enjoyment. We nonetheless sat in the tub for a few minutes so as not to squander an otherwise great day for hot tubbing and proceeded to get out and run up the street to our apartment. The chilly dip is only recommended for the most advanced hot tubber. Just chalk it up to experience.


Hot Tub Rule:
The picture above of the solo-tubber is a good example of what you may find when you round the corner to your favorite spot - the dirty old man sitting by himself. This rule is situational; if you are with your male buddies and don't mind sharing, then it is permissible to strike up a conversation with the old guy to see if he is indeed creepy. You then have a choice, turn around and find your next best option tub-wise or jump in and reminisce about the good ol' days. Sound judgment is paramount here; intermediate tubbers should be able to discern and make the correct choice, novices should turn around and leave immediately. If you are in mixed company, the Rule dictates that you leave the decision to the head girl of whether you should leave or get in. She will instinctively know what to do.

Perpective

As a recent graduate of BYU, I would just like to take the time to pass along a few precious bits of information that I have learned regarding social survival in Provo. While many feel that a college education is a right of passage, so-to-speak, just getting along in Provo is a major achievement and requires dedication and persistence along with plenty of hard work. If we are to fulfill the unspoken mission of BYU, to get married and multiply (hereafter referred to as "M&M") then it is important to know and understand the means by which this may become possible. What follows is a continuing list of helpful hints and reminders to help us all achieve our dreams. Enjoy!